Skip to main content

"Me time"

 I just finished the book Ready or Not... There We Go! The Real Experts' Guide to the Toddler Years with Twins by Elizabeth Lyons. I liked the book in a lot of ways (great tips for dealing with two toddlers) and felt the weight of the world on my shoulders in other ways (I will be dealing with two toddlers). One of the things she talks about is "Gotta Get Outta This Place!" on page 37:
"Next to childproofing, the most important focus over the next few years is undeniably taking care of yourself. The phrase 'get outta this place' is meant both literally and figuratively. There is no doubt that you'll need to get out of your home every now and then to get some space, some time to regenerate and reflect, and the opportunity to finish a gossip magazine so you're crystal clear on whether or not Brad and Angelina really are engaged. You'll also need to get out of the place in your head that is preventing you from putting a positive spin on less-than-positive experiences."

She has a few suggestions on places to go when getting out of the house, but I'm stumped. My problem is not that I have nowhere to go without the kids, but I have too many! Even when D was a toddler, I felt the same. My husband was out to sea a lot and I had a to-do list a mile long. My friends, then, were all Navy wives, most of them with husbands (literally) on the same boat as mine. If there was a girls' night with the FRG, who would watch our kids? We are all going to the same girls' night. Then there were doctor's appointments... hair appointments... nail appointments... I had to choose when I needed a sitter (and what I could do myself at home) so that I wasn't dropping D off at my girlfriend's house every morning. Now that I have three kids, including one-year old twins, I feel like even if I wanted to drop my kids off with one of my girlfriends, who would watch them? My friend with one-year old triplets? My friend with a kindergartner and infant twins? My friend with 17-month old twin toddlers? Without an FRG, I made most of my friends through the local multiples group. And, even if one of my friends went temporarily insane and volunteered to watch my boys, there is still the issue of getting them there, will they need a nap at all, and how long they can stay.


The boys "holding still" for a picture.
North Carolina July 2012

My husband is wonderful and is always supportive of working out our schedules so that he can take the boys. But his schedule isn't that open. He has to study to maintain his GPA. He has obligations with the ROTC. He has study groups and group projects. And I feel bad always running out the door as soon as he gets home, "C is constipated; D didn't finish his lunch; O can only nap for another thirty minutes! Oh, and feed the dog! I don't think he ate today! Love you!" I did find a great drop-in childcare place that will watch all three boys for me at a discounted rate of $20 an hour. Dropping them off for five hours while I get my to-do list done-- one of those items being couponing for diapers-- just isn't always practical, especially since we utilize this place often for dinners sans children or to have a little down time (has anyone else dropped their children off at childcare and went home to enjoy peace and quiet?).

I hear from strangers and parenting books alike to make time for yourself to be the best mom you can be. I totally, 100% agree. If I couldn't get out of the house without the kids every now and then, I think my "Love Tank" would be running on fumes. But what qualifies as "me time"? My husband has the ability to stop at the office supply store on his way home, get a hair cut, get lunch with guys in the ROTC, and study in the library. (Listen to this: the library on campus doesn't have a story time hour and you must talk quietly in there! I dream about spending hours in there sipping lattes from the student store... Lucky dog.)

I need a baby-sitter to: get my hair done, visit the "lady doctor," visit my regular doctor, visit my specialist, go to the dentist, work out, shower, do long shopping trips or make multiple stops (have you tried doing a one-hour grocery trip, children in tow, then stopping at the dry cleaners, post office, bank, and pharmacy on your way home? That becomes a three-day to-do list), take one of my boys to to his specialty doctor, take one of my boys to a doctor's appointment just for him (not his brothers as well), and go clothing shopping for the boys. These are things I do regularly. So, throw in time for me to: write in a coffee shop, get my nails done, buy new jeans, a bra, or make-up (having children in tow and trying on multiple items of clothing is a no-no and the make-up counter is not fun with curious hands), or meet a girlfriend for coffee (or a glass of wine). Those are things I want to do or may need to do. I also have a dream list of relaxing splurges: massage, shoe shopping, a weekend away with my husband (or by myself), etc...

Do any other moms feel that their problem isn't "I just don't know what to do with myself" but "I have way too many things I need to do without my kids in tow"?

Comments

Anonymous said…
I totally agree. I'm lucky enough to have my in-laws close for those dr appts for me or the twins. But I have to say whenever she offers help to "run some errands" I have to think .. Ok, I'm going to do one fun thing for me and then something else necessary or else I would go crazy. :)
Because like you said we do go to the store, pharmacy, post office, etc all together but it's the trying on of clothes or tricky stroller-maneuvering stores that I can't do with them.
Oh and on the massage note- I got a gift certificate in Dec. and still haven't gone!! :)
Kimber said…
Haha! My husband bought me a day at the spa when the twins were born mid-April. I used it the following March!
Jane said…
Love the blog, thanks for sharing it on my FB!! The answer is yes, I totally get this! I feel like I spend all day thinking what I need to do and as soon as they go for a nap my mind goes blank! Blogging is a great escape (even though it mostly ends up being about them!) and I have really appreciated the little virtual community it has created :)
Kimber said…
Jane, what's the address for your blog?
I've also found that blogging, like journaling, has become a catharsis for me.
Kimber said…
I just realized as I was writing my most recent blog post, titled "Calling 'twins!'" that I commented on a couple of your blogs at: http://janeroper.com/. Perhaps it is the toddler years speaking, but, for the life of me I could NOT remember sharing my blog anywhere... :) So, if you are the Jane I'm thinking of, I'm actually reading your book right now, Double Time, and have been keeping your family in my prayers. Thanks for stopping by my blog!

Popular posts from this blog

I love my stroller

Napping while we are out. North Carolina September 2011 I get stopped all the time when I go out. I don't mind that people want to wave at my babies or ask D if he is a "big help" or throw their hands up in mock distress and say, "I don't know how you do it." Sometimes, yes, I would rather run in and out of a store, but, honestly, even if people weren't stopping me, would that really happen heading out with three kids? I've gotten used to the "you have your hands full" conversations, but one thing I never tire of talking about is my stroller. People stop me all the time to comment on my stroller, either to tell me that they wish they had that stroller back when their kids were young or to find out what it is and where to get it. Let me start at the beginning. When D was an infant we had two different Chicco strollers, the travel system and the Chicco $40 umbrella stroller. Neither was that exceptional, but they both served their p

Prototype in South Carolina

I'm starting this blog post off with a disclaimer: this was my experience as a Navy spouse as my husband went through prototype, another school in the nuclear Navy officer pipeline-- not his point of view, but mine. These are my thoughts and words, not his. My husband is prior enlisted. When he went through prototype this time around, he had already gone through prototype before {as enlisted}; he had already been on a submarine; he had been in the Navy for 10 years. He went through the STA-21 program {more blog posts on that under " Military Resources "} and is going back through the pipeline as an officer. I felt his prior experience would work to his advantage in prototype and at least give him more time with our family than he had while in power school {read the " Power school " blog post}. Students in prototype are on rotating shift work. The shifts are roughly these times, depending on which boat you get on and various other factors: Days {day shift

Submarine Officer's Basic Course (SOBC)

My husband was picked up STA-21 . I've written several blog posts about our STA-21 journey  and going through the officer pipeline: power school and prototype in South Carolina . It is surreal to me to be writing this post about the last piece of his STA-21 journey, going to SOBC in Connecticut. It doesn't seem that long ago that we received the news that he was picked up STA-21. It was such a whirlwind leaving Hawaii to move to North Carolina for him to get his degree in mechanical engineering; all too soon he graduated college and we were off to South Carolina going through the officer pipeline.It is crazy to me that in a few short weeks we will be back to the fleet. When we left the fleet for the STA-21 program, I felt we had all the time in the world. I tried to remind myself along the way that the time would slip away from us, but it is one thing to know it and another to live it. But I digress. Right now my hubby is at SOBC (Submarine Officer's Basic Course).