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New normal

There comes a point in every mother's life when she looks around her and thinks, "What on earth am I doing? When did this become normal?" Welcome to my life.

10 things that I never even considered doing, but now do regularly
-or-
My new normal

  1. Refer to a gallon sized Ziploc bag in my purse as the "just-in-case-we-have-poopy-pants-while-we-are-out" bag.
  2. Excessively talk about myself in the third person, refer to myself as "Momma" when talking to other adults, and exclusively use "we" instead of "I" (ah, the royal "we") even when my children are not present. For instance, "We would love to have a girls' night with you. Momma is usually in bed by nine o'clock, but she could sure use a glass of wine!" Translation: "I would love a girls' night. I'm usually too tired to stay out late in the evening, but adult conversation would be very welcome."
  3. Discover there is, in fact, poop on my shirt while I am out running errands and only feel mildly curious as to how it got there. (And don't even get me started on the indignity of potty training.)
  4. Firmly tell a three-year old that we are listening to the Jake and the Never Land Pirates CD and that is that.
  5. March down the hallway to a crying toddler (who, in my defense, had been throwing tantrums all day) and announce, "I hope you are hurt!" before opening the door.
  6. Fall asleep in the lobby of a doctor's office while holding two infants.
  7. Reply to a group of strangers complimenting my post-baby body, "You should see me naked!" instead of graciously accepting their kind sentiments.
  8. Declare, without any irony, that today is a Shower Day.
  9. Sing to my children while out in public. And not quietly. This one makes others ask, "What on earth is she doing? Is that normal?!" Singing is much easier than shopping to a chorus of screaming babies.
  10. Attempt to turn an embrace from my husband into a friendly hug. "I love you, too, baby. I am really looking forward to tomorrow night..."
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